Sometimes I feel like I'm a terrible kinkster. I don't ever fit into any category. Generally I'm alright with that but there are moments when it makes it hard to relate to people I've met, people I'd like to know better, and the local community as a whole. Worse, I worry it makes it hard to get to know me.
This past weekend we attended Thunder in the Mountains. I love the opportunity to immerse myself in a world I generally only get to be part of a few times a month. So many like-minded people and so many opportunities for learning and inspiration. There really is something for everyone. For me, it was also an opportunity to focus on what my kink means to me and how I want to better express it.
A better start to this topic might be a quick list of things my kink does NOT mean to me. It used to be easy to say "Kink is just part of my sex life." Then I started attending events. I started volunteering. I donated money to groups I cared about. I had an opinion on the local community and things that were happening within it. That aspect of my life took on a much bigger meaning than I ever thought it would and I was completely alright with it. It's at that point though that my path seems to take a sharp turn in contrast to the ones I see all around me. My relationship has zero aspect of D/s to it. I am not poly. I am not part of a house or leather family. I am as far removed from any kind of protocol as a person can be and that is by choice. I am a split right down the middle switch and can't imagine giving up either mode of play. Hell, I don't even wear kinky clothes! I know that seems silly to say but walk around a BDSM convention in a simple black dress and heels and you'll see what I mean. There is no ownership, no Sir, no Ma'am, no service, no rules. Simply love and the desire to do some truly twisted things to each other.
So what does that mean to me? It means I'm getting exactly what I want and how I want it. It means I'm walking my own path and discovering new things about myself all the time. It means that everything is subject to change and personal evolution. It means I am constantly learning and hope to never stop. It means that while your choices are not my choices, I 100% respect your choices and I hope that you can respect mine.
So how do I want to better express this? I am constantly inspired by people in the local community speaking out about their passions and opinions and encouraging people to do the same. There's a wealth of information and education to be found if you only seek it out. I can't be the only person like me. I can't be the only person who has this much self invested in kink but doesn't follow some of the more serious lifestyle ideals. So where are they? Are they intimidated like me? Do they feel uncomfortable in speaking out or being active in their community because of the stark contrast in how they live their lives and practice their kink? I know I have been. But not anymore. This is who I am. This is what I want. This is my own personal brand of kink and it suits me just fine. It's time I was a little louder about that.
